Stone Hard SEALs Page 9

  It wasn’t just that he was a SEAL—what woman didn’t fantasize about these modern warriors?—it was him. The way he made her feel.

  He collapsed by her side and fiddled with something. It was a surprise to realize he was removing a condom. She hadn’t even seen him put it on. And—to her mortification—she hadn’t thought about protection herself. Thank God he had.

  He buried it in the soft dirt, and then pulled her into his arms and held her as his breathing came back to normal. Oh heavens. She loved this too. Making love with him had been amazing, but this was…well, it was exquisite. She’d never felt as safe as she did in his arms.

  She kissed the underside of his chin. It was speckled with fuzz, which she found fascinating. He responded by tucking his head and kissing her again. This time, the kiss was soft and sweet. He sighed, but he didn’t speak.

  They lay there for a long while, just soaking in each other’s warmth and reveling in the gentle waves of afterglow. It was difficult for Lily to remain silent. She wanted to dance and sing and say something stupid like, “Was it good for you?” But she sensed he needed this time, this peace, and she didn’t want to break the fragile spell winding between them.

  When he finally spoke, it wasn’t what she expected.

  “Are you okay?”

  Okay? She was fantastic. “I’m fine.”

  “I’m sorry…”

  She wrenched out of his hold and glared at him. “Sorry? For what?”

  He shot her with a repentant smile. “I shouldn’t have been so rough.”

  The sound she made could have been a laugh. Or a snort. He’d been feral. Wild. Crazed. It had been awesome.

  “Did I hurt you?”

  “No. You didn’t hurt me. You weren’t too rough. It was…”

  His muscles tensed as she searched for just the right word. But none of the words that came to mind seemed to adequately describe—

  He came up on his elbow. “What? It was…what?”

  Her eyes glowed. “Perfect.”

  “Perfect?” His face broke into a grin.

  “Perfect.” She caressed his cheek and thumbed his dimple. “One thing though?”

  His brow rippled. “Um…yeah?”

  “When can we do it again?”

  He barked a laugh; it rang off the ring of rocks. Then he gathered her in his arms and pulled her back down. “Give me a minute to recharge.”

  “A minute?”

  “With you?” He winked. “Yeah. A minute. But…”

  “But, what?”

  “It would help if you took off your bra.”

  She was quick to comply.

  * * *

  He didn’t intend to fuck her again. Hell, he hadn’t intended to fuck her the first time. But as they lay there on the hard ground, entangled, and he teased her soft skin, explored her supple breasts, and feasted on those button-hard nipples, Stone found it didn’t take long to recharge at all.

  On top of all that, he was very aware they didn’t have much time. The chopper would probably be coming in at first light. Once they were picked up, once he was back with his platoon and she was returned to her father, they would never see each other again.

  He wasn’t sure why that realization lent desperation to his moves, but it did.

  And as fan-fucking-tastic as the first time had been, the second was better, which blew his mind.

  Hell, she blew his mind.

  They kissed and touched each other playfully at first. A caress here, a nibble there. Her forays were shy, but as passion rose so did her boldness. When she took him in hand and fisted his cock, his breath stalled, but that was nothing to the sheer blinding lust that engulfed him when she scooted lower…and licked him.

  Holy God.

  Her mouth was hot and slick, her tongue mischievous, her suction mind-bending. She worked his cock like she was starved for it, craving a taste of his cum. Sucking and lapping and taking him deep.

  At one point, he nearly lost control, but damn, he was glad he hadn’t when she crawled on top of him and took him in.

  He shouldn’t have let her do that, but it felt so good, skin to skin. The folds of her channel were velvety smooth and slick and tight. Before he lost all control, he lifted her off and leaned over to find another condom. Goddamn, he should have left them closer.

  It seemed to take forever to find one in his pack, but he ripped it open and slipped it on, ignoring the fact that his fingers shook.

  “There.” He lay back and grinned at her.

  Her smile lit a fire in his belly.

  The sight of her angling a leg over his torso and taking him in again was like a splash of kerosene on that fire. And fuck, it felt good.

  She rode him then, like he was a bucking bronc. Up, down, around in torturous circles. He held her, tried to guide her movements with fingers buried in the flesh of her hips, but she would not be controlled.

  She did as she liked, fucking him, pleasuring herself on his aching rod.

  Her breasts were irresistible. He cupped them and tried to hold on as she moved, tweaking the nipples to urge her to higher and higher passion.

  It was a slower climb to heaven this time, but no less powerful for the leisurely ascent. When she came, her body convulsed around him. The scintillating sensation of her helpless quivers and quakes made his vision dim.

  With her orgasm, she became boneless and crumpled onto his chest. He rolled over, taking her with him, and without breaking their connection, began to thrust.

  Ah. What a relief to control the movements, to take her masterfully, powerfully. To possess her completely.

  Something deep within him coiled; his muscles quivered with the tension. He sucked in a breath, preparing for the onslaught of glory as tension mounted.

  It rose to an unbearable height, lashing him with need, scalding him with an agonizing heat. Little skitters ran up and down his spine and settled at his core.

  With a shudder, he broke. The orgasm screamed through him, buffeting him about, taking him and tossing him asunder.

  It was a glorious asunder.

  He’d never felt so emptied. So filled. So complete.

  He remained there, poised over her, buried in her, reveling in the moment, in her.

  She murmured something unintelligible and then her lashes fluttered closed.

  God, she was beautiful.

  But it was more than that.

  There was something about her he couldn’t put his finger on. A rightness, perhaps. When she was in his arms, he felt as though everything in the world fit right in place.

  He wouldn’t think on tomorrow. Couldn’t. This moment was all there was. With him and Lily, connected. Everything was wonderful.

  Wonderful. Yes.

  Until he pulled out and removed the condom and realized…it had broken.

  Shit.

  Goddamn Garrett and his fucking old condoms.

  “Lily?”

  No response. He glanced down at her. Her eyes were closed. A tiny snore rumbled. She was asleep. Poor thing. This had been a hell of a day. He had no right to exhaust her all night.

  He could tell her in the morning. He would tell her in the morning.

  For now, he’d let her sleep.

  “Lily,” he said again, but softly, and only to himself. He kissed her brow and pulled her into his arms and arranged her head on his chest. Hopefully he was not too hard of a pillow.

  He didn’t feel hard at the moment.

  At the moment, he felt like a limp noodle that had been thrown against the wall.

  He was definitely knocked off balance.

  These feelings swimming around in his head and in his heart were so new, he wasn’t sure how to interpret them.

  Or if he should.

  All he knew was, come morning, he didn’t want to let her go.

  But he had to.

  Chapter Nine

  A rustling roused her. That and a sharp pain in her hip. Sleeping on the hard ground apparently didn’t agree with he
r. Lily shifted and another ache rippled through her lower body, but this was a pleasurable one. A smile curled her lips as she recalled their adventures the previous night. Oh, how amazing had that been?

  She’d loved having him over her, but she had really enjoyed riding him too. Stone was so large, she’d had to stretch her knees wide to encompass the girth of his hips…and that had allowed her to take him deep—

  A shudder swept through her as she remembered the bliss, along with a humming curiosity. Would he want to do it again this morning? She opened her eyes and saw him gathering their things and organizing his backpack and her heart sank.

  It was still dark, but a hint of light shone through the trees. The stark beauty of his face, the coiled power of his body, his height, the breadth of his shoulders… Though she’d seen it all, felt it all, experienced it all, his magnificence struck her anew.

  Something in her chest pinged. Her throat locked. Apprehension, tangled with an unaccountable joy, sifted through her.

  Oh dear.

  Surely this feeling was not what she thought it was.

  They’d known each other two days. Kissed a few times. Made love twice. Why did she have this sinking suspicion that if he walked out of her life today, she might die?

  And why, for heaven’s sake¸ was she wrapped in fear that he might not feel the same?

  She’d gone the length of her life without this man in it.

  It had been dreary and dull, but she’d survived.

  Perhaps she could ignore the fact that the sight of him, the thought of him, the knowledge of him, changed everything.

  Or perhaps not.

  Her attention snagged on his rippling muscles as he pulled on his body armor and cinched it up. She should have closed her eyes and pretended she was still asleep, but she couldn’t look away. He noticed after a while that she was awake, and he sent her a tight smile.

  A tight smile? Why did that make her mood plunge?

  “Good morning.” His voice was a gruff rumble, as though he’d worn it out calling her name the night before.

  “G-good morning.” It was an effort, forcing out the words. She sat up and worked her fingers through the tangles of her hair.

  “How did you sleep?” He held out an energy bar. She took it, though her fingers were numb.

  “Well.” She ripped open the bar and took a bite. It tasted like cardboard. She hated this wall between them. This cool politeness. Where had it come from? “And you?”

  “Fine. But I’m used to this.” He shoved a few more things into his pack. “We should get ready to go. I want to be on the beach when the chopper arrives.”

  “Oh.” Right. The chopper. Which would take them away. Was it wrong of her to want to stay? Just a little while longer? “Stone?”

  He stilled, and then shot her a cold glance. No, not cold so much as…dispassionate. Hooded. Distant. “Yes?”

  “Can we talk about…last night?”

  He crossed his arms and looked at her.

  Just looked. Waiting for her to speak. But she didn’t know what to say. Silence hummed between them.

  At long last, he muttered, “We shouldn’t have.”

  Her pulse thrummed. Oh, hell no. She wasn’t letting him off that easy. “But we did.” And then, when he didn’t respond, “Twice.”

  There was no need for him to glare at her. She glared right back.

  “Lily—”

  “Don’t say it.” She knew. She could tell from his tone, his expression, the tension in his stance. It was over. She didn’t want to hear it. She leaped to her feet and began folding the blanket.

  “Leave that.”

  She frowned at him and continued folding, though she didn’t do a very good job because she could barely see. Fury blinded her.

  They’d shared something amazing last night and now he was acting as though it had been a mistake. Apathy would have been better than that cold, impassive stare, that tinge of regret.

  “Lily…”

  “What?” She whirled on him, dropping the blanket on the ground, fists on her hips.

  “I’m sorry. But we shouldn’t have.”

  “Was I that bad?” It hadn’t seemed like he’d hated it.

  “No!” He sprang toward her, and then remembered himself and backed away again. “It was amazing. You were amazing. But…we shouldn’t have done it.”

  “Why not?”

  He raked his fingers through his hair—what there was of it. If he had hair, maybe his ears wouldn’t poke out so much. A petty thought, but she felt at the moment she deserved at least one. His lips worked as he tried to find the words, the justification, the lame excuse. “For one thing, I’m on a mission…”

  “And I’m the mission.”

  “Yes!”

  “Well, you did your mission.” He didn’t laugh at her joke. Probably because it didn’t sound like a joke, snarled as it was.

  His lips tightened. His face went pale beneath his tan. “Goddamn it! It wasn’t like that. You just don’t understand. I don’t do things like that. I never do.”

  The energy bar in her belly churned. It was not pleasant. “Really?” she snapped. “Is that why you carry condoms with you?”

  He made a noise. Something between a growl and a grumble. “Those were a prank. Someone put them into my pack. And they weren’t very—shit, Lily. We need to talk about that too.”

  “About what?”

  “One of them…broke.”

  “Great.” She threw up her hands.

  “You’re on birth control, right?” Why his question filled her with rage was a mystery. Or not.

  How dare he make that the issue, rather than the real reasons for his retreat? And she knew the truth. The real reasons were either disinterest—that he had only used her to scratch an itch—or fear. Both options pissed her off.

  “It hardly matters whether I’m on birth control or not, does it?”

  His throat worked. “It matters very much.”

  “It’s none of your business, so it doesn’t matter.”

  “If you get pregnant, it is my business.”

  “Is it?”

  Tension crackled as he stared at her. “All of this is beside the point.” Oh dear. This soft, silky tone was even worse than the bellowing. “It was wrong of me to weaken. To…lead you on.”

  “Lead me on?” A cold wind blew through her.

  A tangle of befuddlement and regret rippled over his features. “I’m a SEAL, Lily. The life, the mission is all there is for me.”

  She flinched as his meaning hit home.

  “There can never be anything more between us.”

  Ah. There it was.

  “Fine.” She turned away and began moving things around. She wasn’t cleaning or packing, she didn’t have the wherewithal for that. Just moving things around so she looked busy and he wouldn’t notice her tears.

  “Lily…”

  “I get it, Stone. Just drop it.”

  “I want you to understand. It isn’t you—”

  Her laugh was harsh. Incongruous. “Yes, yes. It isn’t you. It’s me. I know. I know.”

  “That’s not what I mean.” He whipped her around with a hard hand to her arm. He stilled when he saw the tears. His flinty façade wavered. “Don’t cry, Lily.”

  “I’m not crying.” She yanked away and rubbed at her cheeks.

  “Shit, I’m fucking this up. I didn’t mean to hurt you, Lily. It’s just that I made a vow never to get involved. Never do to a woman what my dad did to my mom.”

  “Which was?”

  “Leave her. I have a dangerous job. I go places. Do things. Sometimes, men don’t come back.”

  “So you’ll never have a meaningful relationship with someone—ever—because sometime, at some point in the future, you might not come back?”

  “My mom was devastated.”

  “Thousands of soldiers, thousands of military wives deal with that fear every day. Children deal with that fear every day.”

 
; “It’s not the same—”

  “It is exactly the same thing.” They glared at each other as silence sizzled. “Tell me one thing, Stone, and be honest. Did you even enjoy it a little?” She didn’t mean for her voice to wobble.

  He seemed to soften then. An infinitesimal crack in his battlements. “Ah, hell. Of course I did. It was incredible. It made me want—” He broke off and turned away, storming to the other side of the enclosure and then back again.

  “It made you want…what?”

  His expression was pained when he looked at her. “More. It made me want more. With you.”

  “But you won’t allow it.”

  “I can’t.” He held out his hands in the age-old gesture of helplessness.

  Bullshit.

  Lily crossed her arms and turned up her nose. “You are a coward.”

  His jaw dropped. “What?”

  “You heard me. A coward. I’m glad you don’t want anything more to do with me, because as gorgeous as you are, and as funny and smart and, I’ll be honest, good in bed…frankly, I don’t have any use for cowardly men.”

  He blinked. “I… What?”

  “Now, where is this helicopter going to land? I think we should get moving.”

  “But…wait.”

  She waggled her fingers at him, a dismissive gesture. “There’s nothing more to talk about. It was fun while it lasted—as you said, probably just reaction to the adrenaline—but it’s over. Wham, bam, thank you, Mr. SEAL. Good-bye.” Oh, it hurt, her heart. It hurt like hell. And this blasé attitude was far from easy. But by God, he would not leave this debacle thinking he’d wounded her.

  She couldn’t bear it.

  She just couldn’t bear it.

  Without looking at him, she picked up her rifle and her pack and started marching for the beach.

  “Lily,” he said, and her sure steps faltered. A faint hope flickered. It died when he murmured, in a desolate tone, “The beach is the other way.”

  * * *

  Well, fuck. That had not gone well.

  Stone followed in Lily’s wake, trying not to cringe as he ran through their conversation in his head. Well, okay, their fight. That’s what it had been.

  This was probably the real reason he didn’t ever have relationships with women. Because he always screwed everything up.